You are tired. Probably more tired than people who do not live your life can understand. Between school meetings, implementing strategies at home, managing crises, and doing everything else parents do, there is often nothing left for yourself. This is not sustainable.
Permission to Take Care of Yourself
Before strategies, you need to hear this: taking care of yourself is not selfish. It is not taking resources away from your child. An exhausted, depleted parent cannot provide the consistent, patient support a child with a BIP needs.
You matter. Not just as a parent—as a person.
Realistic Self-Care
Forget the spa days and weekend retreats. Most parents of children with BIPs cannot disappear for hours. You need self-care that fits into the margins of your life.
5-Minute Options
- Step outside and breathe
- Hot beverage without checking email
- Text a friend who makes you laugh
- Stretch while water boils
- Listen to one song you love
15-Minute Options
- Short walk around the block
- Shower without rushing
- Read something not about parenting
- Call a friend (actual voice)
- Sit in the car after drop-off
Consistency matters more than duration. Five minutes of genuine rest every day beats an occasional two-hour break.
Acknowledging Grief
This Is Normal
It is okay to grieve the parenting experience you expected. Loving your child completely does not mean you cannot also feel sad, frustrated, or exhausted by your reality. These feelings can coexist.
Suppressing grief takes energy. Acknowledging it—even just to yourself—frees up emotional resources. Some parents find journaling helps. Others talk to a therapist. Some process while exercising. Find what works for you.
Building Your Support Network
People Who Get It
Other parents of children with similar needs understand in ways others cannot. Finding these connections can be life-changing:
- Parent support groups (in-person or online)
- School district parent organizations
- Disability-specific organizations
- Social media groups (with healthy boundaries)
People Who Love You
Not everyone in your support network needs to understand everything. Sometimes you need someone who just cares about you—not your child's progress or strategies—just you as a person.
Professional Support
Therapists, counselors, and support groups are not admissions of failure. They are tools for sustainability. Consider:
- Individual therapy for processing your experience
- Couples counseling if parenting stress affects your relationship
- Family therapy that includes all children
- Support groups specific to your situation
If cost is a barrier, look for sliding scale providers, community mental health centers, or online options that may be more affordable.
Protecting Your Energy
Set Boundaries
- You do not have to attend every school meeting in crisis mode
- You can say no to social obligations that drain you
- You can limit contact with family members who do not support you
- You can take breaks from advocacy when you need rest
Lower Some Standards
The house does not have to be spotless. Dinner can be simple. Laundry can wait. Save your energy for what matters most.
You Are Doing Hard Work
Parenting a child with a behavior plan is genuinely difficult. Your exhaustion is not a character flaw. Your need for support is not weakness. Take care of yourself—not in spite of being a good parent, but because it is part of being one.
References
Billingsley, B. S., & Bettini, E. (2019). Special education teacher attrition and retention: A review of the literature. Review of Educational Research, 89(5), 697–744. https://doi.org/10.3102/0034654319862495
Brunsting, N. C., Bettini, E., Rock, M. L., Royer, D. J., Common, E. A., Lane, K. A., Xie, F., Chen, A., & Zeng, F. (2022). Burnout of special educators serving students with emotional-behavioral disorders: A longitudinal study. Remedial and Special Education, 43(3), 160–171. https://doi.org/10.1177/07419325211030562
Kranak, M. P., Andzik, N. R., Jones, C., & Hall, H. (2023). A systematic review of supervision research related to Board Certified Behavior Analysts. Behavior Analysis in Practice, 16(4), 1006–1021. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40617-023-00805-0
Springer, A., Marchese, N. V., & Dixon, M. R. (2024). An analysis of variables contributing to Board Certified Behavior Analyst turnover. Behavior Analysis in Practice. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/41523810/
Blue-Banning, M., Summers, J. A., Frankland, H. C., Lord Nelson, L., & Beegle, G. (2004). Dimensions of family and professional partnerships: Constructive guidelines for collaboration. Exceptional Children, 70(2), 167–184. https://doi.org/10.1177/001440290407000203
Sheridan, S. M., Smith, T. E., Kim, E. M., Beretvas, S. N., & Park, S. (2019). A meta-analysis of family-school interventions and children’s social-emotional functioning: Moderators and components of efficacy. Review of Educational Research, 89(2), 296–332. https://doi.org/10.3102/0034654318825437
Lei, H., Cui, Y., & Chiu, M. M. (2016). Affective teacher-student relationships and students’ externalizing behavior problems: A meta-analysis. Frontiers in Psychology, 7, 1311. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2016.01311
U.S. Department of Education. (2021). FERPA general guidance for parents and eligible students. https://studentprivacy.ed.gov/
Take Action
Put what you've learned into practice with these resources.
Key Takeaways
- Self-care is not selfish—you cannot support your child from an empty tank
- Small, consistent self-care beats occasional big gestures
- Grief about expectations is normal—acknowledge it
- Build a support network that understands your reality
- Professional support is a sign of strength, not weakness
About the Author
The Classroom Pulse Team consists of former Special Education Teachers and BCBAs who are passionate about leveraging technology to reduce teacher burnout and improve student outcomes.
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